Sunday, 9 November 2008

We Need a Bigger House!

Sunday, 9 November 2008

So, our baby is smaller than a tadpole, and already I'm fretting about where the hell I'm going to put stuff (or should I say, people) when he/she arrives.

Our bedroom is a little weird -- smack bang in the middle of one wall is a jutty-outy bit... it kind of looks like a column. For ages I didn't know what it was, and I presumed it was holding pipes or wires, etc. but then I realised it is the chimney flue for the fireplace in the living room directly beneath it downstairs. At the minute, there is enough room between this jutty-outy bit and the footboard of the bed to pass through, but as I get pregnant-er and pregnant-er, I won't fit through the gap. So just before I went to bed last night, I said to Jason, "We're going to have to put the bed on the opposite wall in a few months."

"Eh?" he said, creasing his brow. He didn't say anything for a second or two, and I thought he was formulating some feng-shui excuse to get out of it like needing to have his feet facing the river when he's asleep, or similar. "But then we'll have to move the shelf that the telly is on to the other wall."

"Yes, I know," knowing the thought of any DIY or household alterations give him hives, "But pretty soon I'm not going to be able to fit around my side of the bed."

And it's true -- I won't. I was looking at some pictures of myself from my first pregnancy last night, and I was giant. We're talking medicine-ball-stuffed-up-my-shirt giant. From the side, I looked like the prow of a ship, my bump jutting out at gravity-defying angle... and if I get another one of those, I am likely to wedge myself between the bedposts and the chimney.

Hilarious/horrific mental images invade the mind... the emergency services would have to be called. Maybe a local news crew would arrive. A crowd would gather.

"Put some butter on her sides!"

"You pull, I'll push!"

"Breathe in... and HEAVE! HEAVE! HEAVE!"

Ye gods! Sounds like labour!

Probably just safer to swap the bed around the other way, hm?

2 people had something to say about this...:

Nana Janet said...

this is such a funny story, if i was only allowed to share it!!

Nicola Proctor said...

Patience is a virtue, Nana!