32 weeks + 3 days: UPDATE

I’m the worst! I have been neglecting you, pregnancy blog readers. I’m terribly sorry. I have no excuse at all; just pure abject laziness. But lots has been going on! Here are the headlines:

• Wonky pelvis bone!
• Baby is large!
• Baby flips round!
• ...and might be a girl!

Wonky Pelvis Bone: So... during my last pregnancy I started to suffer around 32 weeks (what I am now) with aching hips. I guess all your bones and stuff are all shot to hell with the weight of the baby and I remember when I was having Ben I had many a sleepless night, laying there listening to the rhythmic sound of Jason’s breathing while simultaneously wondering if my femurs had popped out of my hip sockets and started to spontaneously combust. But this time round I haven’t had the Hip Thing, I’ve had a Pelvis Bone Thing instead.

Apparently, if you chopped a person in half to get a good cross-section view looking downwards into their pelvis, you’d see that the pelvis bone is almost a circle, which doesn’t quite meet together at the front. The bit that doesn’t meet is usually about a 5mm gap which is strung together by a bunch of ligaments. When you’re preggo, some unlucky mamas-to-be experience some discomfort when the ligaments in that gap are stretched to accommodate the growing baba in their tummy. There isn’t much you can do about it; you will probably zap back to normal after delivery. You can wear a pregnancy support belt (which I already am for the twing-twang-walla-walla-bing-bangs mentioned below) and you can’t do much else.

Let me just stop myself there to say: DANG, BROTHA! THIS EFFING HURTS! ‘Some discomfort’ is something of an understatement. It’s really hurty! Basically any movement operation that involves spreading your legs (don’t even go there) makes me feel like I’m being sawn in half. From THERE. Ya, that’s right. It’s really problematic in a number of everyday scenarios as follows:

• Underwear putting-on: instead of one foot then the other, you have to sit down on the bed and put both feet through holes at same time. Who has time for THAT?!
• Car getting-out: instead of the usual foot-out-sideways-head/shoulder-slide-and-up manoeuvre, you have to do a dorky pivottey/bum-shuffley tactic so that you can put both your feet on the ground at the same time and stand up that way.

Anyway... it was getting pretty bad and I was this close to phoning up the Lovely Lynnette to say, ‘OW OW OW what do I do about this?’ when one morning, I went to get out of bed (bed getting-out very closely related to car getting-out as above) when I heard a noise that can only be described as a Deeply Internal Ga-Dunk. Yes, that’s right. Something IN THERE made a clunking noise, some bones went ‘Ga-Dunk’ and it felt a little better! I guess I was all misaligned or something.

Turns out it was only a stay of execution though; the pain is back again now as the baby is getting all chubbified ready to be born. As long as I don’t move terribly fast and keep my feet together, for the time being it is liveable-with. I will let you know how things progress!

Baby is Large: last time I went to see the Lovely Lynnette she said that I was measuring large. She takes a measurement from the top of my uterus to the bottom of my bump, and apparently I should measure 1cm for every week pregnant I am, or something. When I was 29 weeks, my bump was 31cms. I wasn’t really worried about it; I think it’s probably safe to assume that what she’s measuring is less likely my baby but more likely my spare tyre. Last week when I was there at 31 weeks, my bump was measuring 33cms. Proportionate, I suppose. But still... since I’m so petrified of having to get another episiotomy I’m a bit worried that the baby will be really giant. Lovely Lynnette said not to worry, and that if in another 4 weeks or so I’m still measuring big she will send me for another ultrasound to measure exactly how big it is, and then we’ll know what we’re facing. Because, hello? I only know how to give birth to a baby with a sliced up hoo-ha! What if my NON sliced up hoo-ha doesn’t fit babies out of it? These are the thoughts that wake me up in the night.

Baby Flips Round: as you will remember, at my 29 weeks appointment the Lovely Lynnette confirmed my kid was the wrong way up. So I was a little worried about it, but took on board some practical suggestions from my friends and the Internet, and tried a few ‘old wives tales’ methods of getting it to flip. I went and bought a birthing ball, and have been bouncing on it. Lovely and comfortable; I’m not joking when I say I’m considering taking it to work to sit on instead of my office chair. I’ve also (god knows how) managed to contort myself into an upside-down position using cushions and the arm of the couch while doing a bit of side-to-side-wriggling-action.

Anyway... 3 weeks goes by and I can still feel the baby’s head is in a northward position. THEN... one night, I’m awoken from my sleep by a crazily strong pain from bump. I’m talking, BOLT UPRIGHT in bed, shouting at 2am, ‘OW OW OW!’ crazily strong. And then nothing. Jason sort of mumbled a half-asleep enquiry to ascertain what all the fuss was about, but it was over as quickly as it started and I went back to sleep. But later that week when I went to see the Lovely Lynnette, as sure as eggs is eggs she confirmed the baby was the right way round. Hurrah! I guess the weirdo-mysterious Pain In The Night was the little one doing the old ‘Heave Ho’ to one-eighty itself.

Baby Might Be a Girl: now, I’m trying to be reasonable and not get TOO excited about this prospect. But can I just whisper a small, little, 'whoo hoo!' The Lovely Lynnette said (and I didn’t even back her into a corner!) that the baby’s heartbeat sounded like a girl. It was over 160 beats per minute (apparently boys are lazy and subsequently have heartbeats more around the 140bpm mark) and sounded like a horse. Remember my earlier horse/train heartbeats discussion? Well, what in the name of arse is the difference between a horse and a train, you ask? Well, I now know: a train is a SINGLE steady beat, like this:
DUM dum DUM dum DUM dum DUM dum DUM dum.

Whereas a horse is more of a galloping DOUBLE beat, like this:
DADA dum DADA dum DADA dum DADA dum DADA dum.
And I TOTALLY heard it DADA-dumming. So... watch this space!