Dear Diary - Introduction

I have always been a voracious diary-writer. I’ve got books and journals filled with entries covering my formative years, and on the weekend I made Jason climb up into the loft to get them down, as I periodically do, to read over them and laugh at myself as I re-live (usually with a very healthy dose of mortification) the various entanglements I got myself into. They are really beautiful to look at – I used to cut things out and glue them in... sometimes the entries are handwritten, sometimes they are typed out... I’ve got movie theatre ticket stubs, photos and other mementos stuck inside; they’re a real trip down memory lane. Not surprisingly, most of the really enjoyable rantings are about boys; I seemed to have at least 5 or 6 crushes on a wide ranging cast of characters at any given time (an investment with a very pitiful rate of return, I hasten to add) and oscillated my eternal devotion wildly between them as frequently as I applied lipstick. Like most people who think they know everything during their earlier years, there are volumes and volumes in which I play the totally hard done by, universe-revolves-around-me, everyone-is-wrong misunderstood victim, interspersed with moments of beautiful clarity and admirable coolness. All in all, the whole lot is HILARIOUS. I am currently working on a series of excerpts from these diaries which spans over about a year or so (does anyone remember my hot professor email drama?) which I will post here once I’ve done it, but in the interim I wanted to share with you a little taster of the 1990’s version of me for your amusement. This was when I was at University in Canada:

20th November 1997

Well, my computer is FINALLY fixed. Henry** came over tonight and made it work, but I can’t get on the Internet as it says there is insufficient memory and I only have one font in Microsoft Word. Do you know what this is doing to my creative processes?! IT’S TOTALLY SUFFOCATING! I can’t work with only one font. It’s beneath me! It’s unheard of! It’s dire! And besides, I’m totally hormonal as I type this because I’m on my period and I’m really fucking moody.

I have been able to do nothing at all today. It was horrible. I was so bloody bored. I have so much reading to do for school and I haven’t even touched it. Instead, I cried my eyes out watching “Coronation Street” and “A Wedding Story”. I was completely hormonally wacko. About 5pm I was completely overcome by an unusually strong craving for a veggie and cheese sub from Subway. So I kidnapped Becka** and we went and got subs, came back here and had a great talk (about drugs and masturbation!) for a few hours. It was very cleansing – my nerves were much better after eating that sub.

I don’t think I will be able to handle this Times New Roman shit for much longer. I may have to go to Zellers and buy one of those CDs with loads of fonts on. Yeah! Yeah, then I’ll have like a MILLION different kinds of fonts and I’ll never do any bloody work! AAaaah.

I didn’t go to school today. I should have. I had the gorgeous Michael’s** tutorial this afternoon. But I had really wicked cramps and I needed to stay home and do more important things. Like eat. And watch trashy talk shows. And not have a shower until 6 o’clock. I’m so emotional. I think the best thing for me would be to just go to bed. Or have some sex? Or get a bag of chips. Maybe I’ll go for a drive.

There’s a postal strike on right now. THAT’S why I really didn’t go to school; I wanted to see if it was true. I watched the flap in our door every once in a while and nothing got pushed through it at all. Not even an Avon catalogue! Not even a Bi-Way flyer. Nothing.

I can’t wait for Sunday; then my hormones will be back to normal. I hate menstruation. WHERE ARE THOSE CHIPS?!

**Names have been changed to protect the identity of the innocent.