Thursday, 17 June 2010

The World Cup, Part 2

Thursday, 17 June 2010
SCENE: A KITCHEN. EARLY APRIL.

A mobile phone beeps on a worktop. A man, who is sporting an unsightly beard, picks it up. A woman with very lovely hair enters.

Man: Claire’s just sent you a picture of her new kitten on your phone.
Woman: Oh! Lovely. Er... what are you looking at my texts for?
Man: I wasn’t – on your new phone it flashes up on the screen when you get a picture message.
Woman: Oh? (picks up phone) Ah... lovely. Isn’t she cute?



SCENE: BATHROOM. AN EARLY JUNE EVENING.
A woman sits on the bathroom floor. In front of her is a cupboard, the door of which is open.  She is surrounded by jars and bottles of varying levels of emptiness – bubble bath, shaving foam, moisturiser. She is looking in a zippered bag, filled with makeup. She extracts a lipstick from the bag, removes the lid, and twists the tube.

W: “Scarlet Fever.”

The woman gathers her hair (which is breathtakingly lovely) into a loose knot at the base of her neck. She chuckles.



SCENE: LIVING ROOM. AN EARLY JUNE EVENING.
A man is sitting on a sofa. He is overdue a shave. On the television in the corner there is football. It is the World Cup.

M: (calling upstairs) I said I’ll come up in a minute, I just want to watch the rest of this.

A woman descends the stairs.

W: I thought of a way to make you look away from the football.

The man looks up. He looks back at the television. He looks at the woman again. He stands up.

M: Well, those are certainly... patriotic.
W: Thank you.
M: How did you... er... get the St George’s Cross so straight?  I mean, despite the... er... curvature?
W: It was a tad tricky, to be sure. Especially in the mirror.  You know, backwards and all.

The man cocks his head to one side.
M:  Would have been easier if we were Japanese, I suppose.
W:  Indeed.
M: Well, credit where credit’s due. It is very nice work. EN-GER-LAND.
W: I’m glad you like them.

The man climbs the stairs.
W: Where are you going?
M: To get my phone – I’ve got to get a picture of them.
W: NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
M: Come on.
W: Up yours.
M: Well it’s not as if I’m going to show it to anybody.
W: Not for a million quid.

A few moments pass.
M: From the neck down?
W: Well hurry up then, I’m getting cold.



SCENE: BEDROOM. A JUNE EVENING.
A woman and a man are both looking at a mobile phone. The woman is agitated, yet her hair is inexplicably attractive. The man sports a beard.

Woman: You’re taking the piss!
Man: I’m telling you, I sent it!
W: Well, I haven’t received it. Are you sure you sent it to me?
M: (giggling, progresses to laughter) I hope I sent it to you – who’s name is next to yours in my contacts list?
W: Oh, my holy god. Get. Your. Phone. CHECK IT! CHECK IT NOW!

The man leaves the room. After a while, he returns with another mobile phone.

M: It’s definitely gone. Look, it’s in my ‘sent’ messages.
The woman investigates the phone.  After a moment she appears relieved.
W: (laughing) What a relief!
M: It’ll probably come through later. The second half’s about to start -- shall I open another bottle?
W: Mmm.



SCENE: AN OFFICE. MID JUNE. FIVE DAYS LATER.
Two men and two women are sitting around a table in a room. They are having a business meeting. They are co-workers. One of the women has excellent hair. In the centre of the table are various pieces of paper, and a mobile phone.

The mobile phone vibrates – a picture message has arrived.

2 people had something to say about this...:

Lynn said...

Oh my God, I just about peed myself laughing. This post is brilliant.

Also, you DO have fabulous hair :).

Fame Throwa said...

So glad the World Cups is a few weeks long. I'm loving these vignettes. :)