This Kind of Crap Stops Me From Going to Sleep On A Night

SCENE:  A BEDROOM, LATE ONE EVENING

The Bearded Man and the Voluptuous Woman lay together in bed.  Irritatingly, the man sports at least a week's worth of stubble.  Our heroine  is nearly asleep, her fantastic hair swept up into a bun out of the way, to make for comfortable sleeping.  The man wants a cuddle.

W:  Bugger off, will you.  I'm asleep.

M:  But I like you.

The woman rolls her eyes, but softens -- the cuddle is not half bad.

W:  Why do you like me?  Tell me.

M:  I like you because you like me, I like you because you gave me two really cute babies, but mostly I like you because I have no other real friends to speak of, so I cling to you in desperation because I have no one else, really.

W:  Ah.  So... less of a husband, more of a parasite?

(a few moments pass)

M:  Yes.  That sounds right.  I am a "limpet".

W: (laughing)  Is that even a word?  Where's my phone?  I am going to Google "limpet". 

M:  Google might say "ex-partner of one of The Cheeky Girls".

W:  That's a "Lembit", you knob.  (pause)  Ah... "aquatic underwater mollusk."

M:  Precisely.

END SCENE

Aquatic underwater mollusk.

Lembit Opik, Liberal Democrat Member of Parliament.

More adventures with our intrepid couple here, here, here, here and here.